*MONOLOGUE HIGHLIGHTS*
So tonight we *didn't* have the 'early commercial break' format.
Experimentation.

*DESK CHAT HIGHLIGHTS*
'Late Show' strike captain Bill Scheft is back. Where's he been? He's
been out of commission for a couple of weeks. What was the deal? Dave
says Bill had a 'tie transplant.' No, no. Bill had a *hip* replaced.
Wow. Dave tells him he looks great. He may have lost a little weight.
Bill says he had it done two weeks ago. He says if you need help losing
'those last 5-10 difficult pounds,' he recommends getting a hip
replaced. But he's doing OK; feeling pretty good? Bill says he is. Can
he do any 'deep knee' bends? Maybe later. He does have a cane. Can he
bend over; pick stuff up? He's got a 'grabber' for that. So Bill not
only got a new hip, but they also installed a grabber. Dave tells Bill
it's good to have him back. Congratulations, Bill. (Is 'congratulations'
an appropriate thing to say to someone who's just had a hip replaced? My
bedside manner is impeccable.)

On another topic, they're now saying it's jalapeno peppers that can
*kill you*. Dave says he doesn't really like it when people cash in on
things like this. What's he talking about? If you go into RadioShack,
you can now get an at-home jalapeno tester. It kind of resembles a
hand-held metal detector. How does it work? Dave demonstrates, using
three jalapeno peppers. The first two are OK. The third one is tainted.
How does the machine alert you to a tainted jalapeno? It plays a
hilarious version of 'La Cucaracha.' It sounds like a novelty horn, really.

After the break, we took a look at some 'Small Town News,' which was
momentarily interrupted by a guy dressed in a Batman costume, of sorts.
What's he doing back there? He's wondering if this is the line for
Batman tickets. Dave tells him it isn't. Dave informs him that they're
in the middle of a show, actually. The guy asks Dave whether he wants to
go see Batman *with* him. Dave says yes, yes he does. He'll call him
later. And there he goes.

There were also a couple of clips, including one regarding Barack
Obama's campaign staff. (Senator Obama has the biggest campaign staff in
presidential candidate history. This is not to be confused with the
distinction held by Richard Nixon, who, according to his wife Pat, had
the biggest *staff* in presidential campaign history. 'Nixon: Big where
it counts.')

We also took a look at an installment of 'Great Moments in Presidential
Speeches.' (Bush: "I like to fish.")

*AMANDA PEET*
She was fun last night. Plus, Biff got to come out for a few minutes.
The film is "The X Files: I Want to Believe." It opens this Friday, July
25. I know *I* believe -- I believe I won't go see this film. (You see
what I just did? What I did there? Heh. I'm pretty hilarious sometimes.)

*JON HAMM*
He was a pretty good guest. The show is "Mad Men."

*AUGUSTANA*
I figure Helen gave this performance about, oh, eight seconds. The album
is "Can't Love, Can't Hurt."

*MISCELLANEOUS MEANDERING*
What's happenin', people? I need to go. I gotta get a good night's rest.
Me & some of my buddies from the American Family Association are getting
up early tomorrow to go picket a local McDonald's.

Grimace must be spinning in his grave.

Later ...

Brady